Rem Akimichi (istealboyswings) wrote in tw_ranters,
Rem Akimichi

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FMA Movie Rant Transcription

Yay for movie transcriptions! Heres the original voice post, if you want to listen.

I'm skipping the spoiler warnings, and just saying theres a LOT of SPOILERS, so avoid if you don't want to be spoiled.

Any text like this means I don't know what they're saying and am offering an idea, or it's just me talking.

Annnd....I added pic XD Because I have a whole bunch from the movie. Kindly provided by someone on fm_alchemist. Thanks a whole bunch! I wish I remembered your name...


Kyatto: My personal opinion: How it opened. I thought that was cute with the whole Ed and Al thing and, I think his name was Hakuse or whatever (Mr. My something sucks ass?)

Nuroki: I know, Mr. Dude with Uranium...bomb...thing...

Kyatto: Where his hands are going whheee

Nuroki: It looked like a clock


Kyatto: highpitched voice saying something about bombs

Nuroki: It looked like one of those plastic bomb things that looked like the round thing that, you know, in the movie, you know like in old movies...

Kyatto: Which brings us to plothole #1, when Mr. Guy-with-the-Uranium-Bomb went through the gate. That leads to something later on, but its a really stupid plothole. Which then you know, they finish the battle, Ed's all Mr.Special Alchemist, and then you see Ed and Heidrich.

Ed crashes the car.

My biggest mystery that I'll talk about forever is whose car was that?! Who pays the insurence?

Nuroki: Not to mention, how did they survive? Because if you look at the car, its like half the size it was. The front seat is now the back seat!

Kyatto: Did they like jump out before it crashed??

Nuroki: It's all wouldn't they have een it coming? Because when you notice when it jumps off the road, theres a long pause before the crash. You think they would have seen it coming.

Kyatto: And stopped it before it crashed! *laughs*

Another plothole: Why they joined the gypsies. Not to mention, you know, who payed for that car, but I'll leave it at Who Payed For that?! Why are they just leaving it?

Nuroki:Isn't that expensive?

Kyatto: And then they go and join the gypsies. Noa and the other "oa". The song was the most random thing I've ever heard in a movie!

Nuroki: Why did they start singing, and where did the instuments come from?! Were they hiding them up their skirts?!

Kyatto: And that brings me up on the whole thing of them being gay. I
know that this is out in the open, but they're dancin', the gypisies are dancin', shaking they're butts and their boobs. Heidrich is looking scared, I mean he's looking terrified! And Ed is just like-

Nuroki: Heidrich is just like "women! omgwomen!" I mean, he was like two steps away from, like, shaking. He was so terrified. And Ed is just staring straight ahead. He's like bored, absolutly bored.

Kyatto: Which then goes into the opening with like "da da da"

Nuroki: "da da da"

Kyatto: Which then brings us into, you know, Noa gets sold, because apparently the Nazi's want her, and the reason they want her is because she can see the future.

Okay, FMA is NOT mythology. FMA is science. Why can she see into the future. Thats like plothole mary-sue. It's like, a cannon mary sue!

I'm not saying I hate Noa. She was pretty, she was cute,

Nuroki: She was awesome

Kyatto: She had a nice dress

Nuroki: But what was the point to her singing to the song. Well, it wasn't that she saw into peoples future, it was that she saw into into peoples minds, she saw into Eds past, into Eds dreams

Kyatto: She touched Ed

Nuroki: And she's all "Shambala".

Kyatto: She touched Ed. Bunch of fangirls screamed because she touched Ed. Which is apparent;y "their" Ed.

Nuroki: Yes.

Kyatto: Bunch of fangirls hate her because she touched "their" Ed.

Nuroki: So they don't like Noa.

Kyatto: Speaking of Ed.

His personality.

He's an asshole.

Nuroki: Asshole!

Kyatto: Which, you know, this goes out to GoWithMace and SkyOfDark. SkyofDarks comment about Ed snorting a (Authors name that I can't make out) novel! I think he WAS snorting something to become into an asshole. He must have been snorting, he must have been high on something.

Which brings me back to before the movie came out, when I saw, you know he must have been depressed to turn into an asshole, and she drew this picture of Ed on crack and it was funny. Go through the electronic scraps of DA (I think thats what they said ) and you'll see.

Nuroki: I wanna see. I haven't seen it yet.

Kyatto: Annyway, yeah, Ed's an Asshole. I do not like that. Ed is not an asshole. And you know, in the end (of the series) AND in the movie, he finds Al, but they stay in Munich.

Ed tried for SO LONG to get back home. Wh did he decide to stay in Munich?! It's like he totally blew off his morals. He blew off Winry. he blew off Roy.

Speaking of Roy! Five minutes of Roy! First you see Roy covered in snow,

whining about his eye, and finally you see Ed and Roy fanservising, snapping his fingers. Everyone wants to see Roy snapping his fingers on the big screen, thats all he was there for, he was no help. Useless corpral! He was useless, and it wasn't even raining!

Nuroki: Yeah, he was useless.

Kyatto: And then theres random Armstrong with his fanservice and magic sparkles.

Nuroki: Yeah! And he beat some guys, he gave them head.

Kyatto: *laughs* XD

Nuroki: No, no, he beat the ground and made them into a bunch of heads of Armstrong, so yeah, he bead them with his head.

Kyatto: Everyones just like "what the hell?!"

Nuroki: It was creepy. He made another guy sparkle too!

Kyatto: So basically the only useful, useful characters was Mabuze (mabuze who?), and he wasn't all that useful in the first place,

Nuroki: And Hitler!

Kyatto: Eh, they threw Hitler in there!

Ed was useful, Heidrich was semi-useful, Noa was semi-useful, like Al Elric was useful. Where as Winry was just about pointless. Oh! Wrath had actually proved himself useful!

Whee! I can fly!

Nuroki: Yeah, Wrath was actually cute in the movie!

Kyatto: He was nice!

Nuroki: He was sweet in the movie.

Kyatto: Okay, Izumi dies, end of story there. Izumi dies, and

Nuroki: and she never appears in the movie except in a picture.

Kyatto: And when Wrath and she are reunited in the gate, and they're naked.

Nuroki: Yep. Naked Wrath. And Naked Izumi boobs.

Kyatto: Gluttony was creepy, which is my big one right there. Whats up with gluttony, and why does he have a bunch of heads coming out of his ass?

Nuroki: Well, what is the point to gluttony? Gluttony was just there, as the creep, creepy, ziggy headed monster.

Kyatto: Ziggy!

Nuroki: Ziggy.

Kyatto: Ziggy!

Nuroki: Ziggy!


Kyatto: Oh ziggy! So thats where ziggy came from! Oh, you know how Shermans so short? Its a Glut/Ed spawn!

Nuroki: EWWW!!

Kyatto: There you go!

Nuroki: We never mention Gluttony/Ed. Never.

Kyatto: Okay, going back to the topic of the movie. Envy was pointless. I figured out why he became a dragon. It was another plothole. So that Envy could make himself into the Auroborous for the Soul Society when they wanted to go to Shambala. Thats it. They just wanted there to chew on his own tail.

And maybe to give a little fanservice to the Envy/Ed shippers XD

Nuroki: yeah, but, he became the auroboros in the movie, whatever. But what made him become a dragon in the first place? Why not a bird? Or like

Kyatto: A tree?

Nuroki: Well he couldn't be a tree because he had to turn into something that could fly through the gate. But if he was going to choose a mythical creature, theres like phoenixes and unicorns and griffens and pegasus'. He'd be a cool griffen.


Nuroki: Envy!griffen! Make sure he has the headband and the hair. Alter!Griffen.

Kyatto: Anyway, moving on, Winry like I said, all she did was hug red. Oh! Big rant!

No hug for Al! No hug for Al!!

Nuroki: He just sat there staring at him! I'm sorry, but if I had not seen my brother in three years, I'd be hugging him, and never let him go. Why didn't they hug?!

Kyatto: WHY?! They were just like "oh, hey", "hey.". Oh, but the armor got hugged! Okay, my rant right here.

Why armor?

Thats like ghetto plothole fanservice!

Nuroki: No, no, except for the scene when they're actually fighting the armor, theres only one armor that looks like Al. The rest are diffrent.

Kyatto: They're just copies.

Nuroki: *laughs*

Kyatto: They're just copies that are really small.

Nuroki: And if you notice, when they're fighting the armor, it's just a bunch of copy-paste.

Kyatto: Thats where- copy-paste, thats where P.Sherman came from!

Nuroki: Oh yeah! And when the armor dies and they go back, you see P.Sherman for two seconds in the frame.

Kyatto: You see Al float by, and if you pause the frame just right, you see really tall guy, and then really SHORT random guy in front of him. We dubbed him P.Sherman. And he's secretly in love with Ed.


Nuroki: He's Sherman the (tryaning trainee??).

Kyatto: P. Sherman!

Nuroki: P.Sherman!

Kyatto: P.Sherman/Ed: Short OTP!!

Nuroki: Their love is so tiny. I love that icon

Kyatto: *laughs* Thank you to Mindy, I love you!

Nuroki: *laughs*

Kyatto: *laughs* P.Sherman! And P.Sherman, he lives with a guy named Sydney, so he's P.Sherman and Sydney. Ew.

Nuroki: Ew!! Okay, moving on.

Kyatto: Anyway, okay, the animation was pretty. Except for all the random copy-paste.

Nuroki: This rant has apparently gone on for 10 minutes.

Kyatto: Okay, hang on! We havent gotten to the end. The last rant:

The End.

What the hell.

Wheres Roys ending? Where was it?! What happened to him, whyyy--

Nuroki: He should have been with Hawkeye!

Kyatto: Yeah! Hawkeye had like barely any screen time!

Nuroki: That makes me sad!!

Kyatto: No Roy/Hawkeye.

And you know WHY there was no Roy/Hawkeye? Because the movie makers were secretly Roy/Al shippers!! Thats why!!

No Trisha.

Nuroki: She should have at least been in a flash back.

Kyatto: Trisha!

Nuroki: *really sad voice* Come on, Trisha! Trisha needs her love!

Kyatto: And, and Heidrich dying. Thats like...nooo... I just..

Nuroki: The only reason Heidrich died is so that Al could come through the gate with his brother.

Kyatto: You know I'm starting to-

Nuroki: And they can have hot buttsecks.

Kyatto: And, you know...yeah, everyone liked Heidrich, and yeah he was somewhat useful because he could build the rocket and give Ed hot buttsecks, but I liked Heidrich, he really should not have died. He should have just stayed with Ed. He should have gone to the alchemist world with Ed.

Nuroki: Yeah!

Kyatto: And learned about alchemy. So that he could prove him wrong. And have buttsecks. (I believe she said something about a buttsecks four way between Ed/Roy/Al/Hei). That would have been the prettiest thing ever. Oh, and Russel could come too if Russel was still alive. Oh yeah! Russel and Fletcher weren't in the movie. I was sad. They should have had one scene where they're pretending to be Ed and Al, and they could have been "Yeah, we're Ed and Al". That would have been perfect in the movie. That would have been cool.

Nuroki: Yeah, that would.

Kyatto: Why wasn't that in there? We should make our own movie. Lets make our own movie.

Nuroki: We should make our own little flash movie.

Kyatto: Yes, only you know I can't draw flash all that well. We should have live action! Have a cosplayer do fletcher.

Yeah! Any Russel/Fletcher Cosplayers, come to Keller, Texas! Come! We will shoot you in our movie!

Nuroki: We want to make a movie. We need you to come.

Kyatto: Because apparently we really didn't like the FMA movie. I didn't think it sucked, it just could have been better. Basically, it was less than two hours, and it should have been three. They needed that extra hour to do more. Too many plotholes. It just didn't really work for me. Eds personality totally off, not enough Roy, Winry was useless except to change he look,

Nuroki: Please, no one ever let Square Gainax (is that it?) take over somebody elses fandom thing again.

Kyatto: Unless its to make games, because their games are God.

Nuroki: Their games are God, Final Fantasy ROCKS.

Kyatto: Get FFXII, get Kingdom Hearts II. Play it with us. We can all talk about it together.

Nuroki: Not just Kingdom Hearts II, get Kingdom Hearts I and Final Fantasy 1-, you know, seven, eight, nine ,ten and ten 2.

Kyatto: I like nine. Zadane (?) You notice how Ed looks like Zadane? It's off-topic, but Ed looks like Zadane. End of story.

Nuroki: Zadane is just Ed with a tail.

Kyatto: Ed with a tail. Monkey Ed.

Nuroki: And technically Zaidane came first, so doesn't Ed look like Zaidane?

Kyatto: Ahhh, Arakawas rippen-off, rippen-off.

Nuroki: And note, Al looks like Styner.

Kyatto: *gasp!* You're RIGHT!!!

Nuroki: *laughs*

Kyatto: Okay, Ed looks like Zadane, Al looks like Styner. Someone liked FFIX. Very much.

Nuroki: Oh well, but, anyways, we should like end this because we're like pushing it, and we don't want to risk it not posting again.

Kyatto: Okay, if you want more, let us know, we'll do another one. Basically this is Kyatto signing off with no more leather pants and nice good boxers.

Nuroki: And this is Nurokigirl signing off and P.Sherman the Tyraining Trainee. And,

Kyatto: Support P.Sherman and Ed!

Nuroki: Their love is so tiny!

Kyatto: Bye!

Nuroki: Bye!



Alrighty, that took me two hours to transcribe....back to school work...@_@

Me: Essay?What Essay? Heres a copy of the voicepost I transcribed instead.
Professor: *stamps* FAIL.


(crossposted between tw_ranters and fm_alchemist
Tags: fma movie, transcription
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